Everyone needs a certain measure of it. The act of trespassing someone's privacy is akin to the desecration of hallowed grounds. I no longer want to blog under the pressure to self-censor. I resent being asked to justify and explain my inner thoughts when all I enjoy is letting it flow freely, as it is. Since I find this liberty and creativity being strangled and stiffled, I will be taking a break from this blog. Farewell.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Honesty
Does it pay to be honest? Let’s see. I took it for granted that it does. But there are times when it does not. I guess certain things are best left unmentioned. Ignorance is bliss, as people often say.
Yes, so they say, we appreciate it, yet their actions indicate otherwise. To regret or not... does it still matter anymore? Well, whatever la. Too late for all that kind of talk already. Honesty, not necessarily the best policy.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
New Policies
As I was enlightened by a particularly brilliant commenter (whom out of his exceeding humility decided to remain anonymous), that since I am unable to change the Government's thinking, it would only be appropriate for me to adjust my thinking in line with theirs. I found the idea rather disagreeable initially, but after much thought, guess what? I concur. I do admit that I am rather pig-headed at times, and more often than not, new ideas which contradict my existing beliefs are discarded immediately. I can only thank my wonderfully unique education for that! My, my, why am I not seeing a stampede of foreign students into our institutions of education? Nah, those foreigners are just too daft to see the beauty and perfection of our system. Their loss, not ours *shrugs*
In light of that, I unveil a new "Information Policy" which will bring this blog in alignment with the Law, notably:
Printing Presses and Publications Act
Internal Security Act
As preservation of peace, harmony and above all, security remains of paramount importance in ensuring the stability of society, all flow of information published must henceforth be subject to approval by the Administrator of this blog. Ideas which are deemed unsuitable for the frail but budding Rakyat Mentality are not to be permitted under any circumstances. To reduce the risk of security breaches* and subversive elements*, anonymous commenting will be discontinued. In exchange for revealing your identity, we guarantee your safety and privacy. Sure, trust us on that.
Any violation of these new policies will be promptly dealt with by the hand of justice*.
*The Administrator reserves the sole and final rights to define what constitutes the following terms : Security breach, subversive elements, justice.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Education
Just a simple thought on my early years. Over the years my eyes have been opened and I begin to question what I regarded as conventional wisdom. I guess I have always been something of an anomaly in my environment. Not to disparage anyone in particular, but the world I grew up in actively and passively dissuaded any pursuit of intellectualism. This mentality was so firmly rooted within the education establishment and social construct that intellectuals were consistently branded as less useful to society and worthy of persecution. Rather, the vague idea of a 'wholesome' individual was mooted and idealized. Somehow, a student who dabbled in some sports and mugged consistently to regurgitate successfully during examinations was the Adonis that every student should aspire to be. Shallow, no?
I call it Third World Mentality.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Far from grace,...
...further than I could ever imagine.
Warning : Emo Code Red
A long torturous downward spiral toward impending doom...
It was barely a year ago I was brimming with confidence, full of conviction and ruthlessly bold. So much, too much in fact, have changed in the span of a year. Was it fear? Pain? I do not know. All I know is that my resolve chipped away and eventually shattered. Certainly I did not choose to tread on this path. Yet I am consigned to an almost-certain doom no matter which road I take now. Walk the high road (or should I say tight rope) and lead a life of despair or embrace the darkness, and await whatever death that lies at the end of the road. My, what cheery options I have.
Have I landed at the bottom of this pit? Or is there a lower level awaiting me tomorrow?
Monday, July 14, 2008
Nothing I come with, ‘cept this...
It’s been ages already, hasn’t it? The seasons have passed, and much has changed since you left.
10 years have passed; it has been a long journey of healing and acceptance. Life is a brief candle indeed, a vapour in the grand scheme of all things. I don’t think you would want another tear shed, do you? Time heals all wounds, so goes the adage, and salves the scars inflicted by life. So here I am, with nothing more than a token of remembrance.
Rest in peace
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Home
"but look,
I have brought myself home,
seasoned by confidence,
broadened by land and languages,
I am no longer afraid of the oceans
or the differences between people,
not easily fooled
by words and ideas"
an excerpt from Si tenggang’s homecoming
by Muhammad Haji Salleh.
I have brought myself home,
seasoned by confidence,
broadened by land and languages,
I am no longer afraid of the oceans
or the differences between people,
not easily fooled
by words and ideas"
an excerpt from Si tenggang’s homecoming
by Muhammad Haji Salleh.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
The many faces of men
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.
William Shakespeare
The manifold façades that people display.
A unique mask for every occasion.
A subtle change of persona to suit the mood of the mob.
If so, there is no one who is true to himself.
Or to anyone else, for the matter.
A unique mask for every occasion.
A subtle change of persona to suit the mood of the mob.
If so, there is no one who is true to himself.
Or to anyone else, for the matter.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Another tear too late
Poignant grief cannot endure forever. Yet it seems to stretch on for an eternity.
Why shed another tear for a cause I have long stopped believing in? Why fight a battle of which the odds are stacking higher against me day by day? I don't know. I just do.
And its not a cry you can hear at night, its not somebody who's seen the light, its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A new page
It's been months, if not years and yet things still remain relatively unchanged. The vitriol of the yesteryears is threatening to boil over after remaining dormant for so long. Wounds heal with the passage of time, but it is not so with scars; they last a lifetime. Though what is a little bile now compared to the large doses I had to swallow back then with an emotionless mask of a face? Certain things do change, but others linger on obstinately. Naivety, I suppose, has long been lost to the storms of life. I may have left the past in the flesh, but my soul firmly refuses to budge.
Can I bring the chapter of yesterday to closure and turn the page?
Friday, May 2, 2008
A new milestone
A new milestone achieved marks the beginning of another phase in the seemingly eternal journey. The next station of life may usher in changes, or rather the illusion of change; but as the cloud of novelty dissipates, reality sinks in- The next stop does not necessarily harbour better days. In fact, the converse may be true. Nevertheless, happiness does not all stem from one's environment. Rather, it is how one perceives the world enclosed around him. One can have the world on his palm and yet possess nothing. When analysed on its tangents, the statement may seem paradoxical but it yields a simple yet fundamental truth when pressed harder- joy cannot be obtained through material means.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all.
Emily Dickinson
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all.
Emily Dickinson
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A Dream Unrealised
Ever had a dream you longed to breathe life into it and embrace its actual form? Yet some things are just never meant to be. There is the self that desire seemingly unattainable dreams, and it only remains unattainable primarily because of one's self. A rather paradoxic statement at first glance, yet the truth contained begins to ring aloud after some thought. Think about it for a moment, how many dreams have you dashed simply because you failed to allow yourself to pursue it (whatever the consequences). In my case, it is something I long for, yet it is I that steadfastly constrain myself. A prisoner, yet simultaneously playing the role of a prison warden.
Yet all I have is
Hope - the belief of a better tomorrow, rational or otherwise.
There could be nothing worse than the lost of hope.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Adrift
It should have been imprisoned in the distant past, yet glimpses of it on a daily basis never fail to evoke those memories which haunt me. Bits and pieces of yesterday piece together to form a portrait of agony for tomorrow.
No roots- no respect or recognition. Such simplistic logic equates to rejection, made all the more severe by the fact that it is done by my own people. What am I, but adrift, if my own people and country will not accept me?
It was my past, yet it shall also be my future.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Happy Birthday Alvin!
Happy 21st Birthday Alvin! Well, in case you didn't know, χρόνια πολλά is the Greek equivalent for Happy Birthday. It is pronounced 'Chronia polla'. It means 'many years', which implies 'may you have a long life'. I don't usually feature people on my blog, so this is a rare occasion huh. :)
Though I've only known you for barely two months, its been plenty of fun, hasn't it? :) Next time must join me and get the others to go out for 'emo' walks at night, which will be even more fun once winter sets in! What could be better than a cold and emo walk down by the creek? Or better still, lake? ;) I'm not joking, I'm serious... And I'm perfectly sane, or I would prefer to believe that I am. Haha.
Once more, Happy 21st Birthday :)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Melancholic-Phlegmatic
I just did a personality test at 4.30am. Don't ask me why. I just did so. While I do enjoy the novelty of doing such tests without taking them seriously, this particular test struck home. To all those who have been wondering for a long while, the results of this personality test I took is an almost perfect answer to who I am. In fact, it is a better description of myself than I could ever craft.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Beyond Hope
If Hope was that faint gleam on the horizon; yet a thousand or even ten thousand steps in that direction brings you no closer, one should really wonder - what lies beyond it? Why do I pursue after it so doggedly, despite being let down every time?
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sydney Trip
The Sydney pictures are so waaay long overdue, but here they are anyway.
Cam-whoring by Sydney Harbour
Guy's room. I took the upper level single bed and
Roast chicken duck and pork!
Yea!!
Spicy Korean Toufu
Western Dinner by Sydney Harbour
Krispy Kremes
The famed Sydney Harbour
The Posers by Sydney Harbour... :)Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Prayer of the Long-Sufferer
A meaningful poem/prayer that I stumbled across last year. Whether you agree or not, it is a timely reminder that the weakness embodied within us is not there for no apparent reason.
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing I asked for - but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I among all men, I am most richly blessed!
- Anonymous
Delicate Balance
Balance; a single point on a line of infinite points where equilibrium is reached. Veer a little to the left or right, and the whole system spirals into infinity or worse still, comes crashing down like a card house. It is a notion revered by philosophers such as Aristotle as the pinnacle of perfection. Aristotle's Golden Mean, for one, proclaims that every virtue lies sandwiched between two vices. For example, courage runs between cowardice and foolhardiness; modesty is bounded between shamelessness and bashfulness.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Laughter in the Rain
It's been another stormy day. Yet another day of being drenched. Yet another day of shivering in the autumn chill.
Isn't it tempting to shed one's tears amidst the storm? The mingling of streaming tears and raindrops offers a veil between oneself and the world. Few, if any would guess that those rolling droplets on your cheeks were actually tear drops.
When masks eventually unbound, it can be an ordeal at times to navigate life with a relatively frail social footing and little support to keep my balance. Yet I manage to get by, somehow. I've burnt my bridges and turned my back on my kind in exchange for something hitherto unknown. I've realized that a new dawn does not necessarily promise a better day. Was I blinded by naivety or blind hope itself, perhaps? Whatever the case, the answer is irrelevant, but only the outcome matters.
Yet beyond the tears, there lingers on hope for a brighter day of joy. For that, I laugh in the midst of the storm.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Shoes
What's it like wearing a new pair of shoes? A seemingly ill-fitting pair. A pair that tends to leave your feet in a state of raw blisters. There are only to possible outcomes: either the shoe breaks to accommodate the foot or the foot responses to such changes by developing calluses.
Hang on a minute, there are other alternatives.
Throw it away??
Nah, if I actually did so I'll have to walk around barefooted. Traversing the wilderness alone on barefoot is not the most appealing of ideas. I've lost count of the years ever since I wandered in here, to dwell on the fringes of society; to be seen but not heard; to despair and be resigned to fate. Oh, the masks needed to slip unnoticed among the people! I can only hazard a guess of people's reaction to the truth.
The cacophony of life rings loud indeed.
Sigh
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Congrats
Congrats to my dearest sis who scored 12 A1s for her SPM examinations. With all your 'hard work' and 'effort' you did very well! :D
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Change
I think that I think too much at times. At times, my mind has a tendency to verge onto improbable postulations and unnecessary pondering. By and by, there are constants which will always remain, well, constant. That simply means, at the end of the day, some things just won't change. Tales of rolling beds of roses over here which people conjured up seem to be more elusive than ever.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Orientation Week
The Orientation Week that never was. At least, that was how the week went by for me personally. Orientation week stretched from the 18th till the 24th of February. I did jump into some activities, not without some reservations and less-than-applaudable enthusiasm. Instead, I opted to spend the week with a bunch of people who consisted mostly of Singaporeans. I tell you, they are damn kiasu people ah! Just joking la... If anything, my brief stint in INTEC (my college) back in 2007 affirmed my belief that Malaysians have no claim to a higher moral plane when it comes to kiasuism.
Australian Flag at Parliament
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Canberra
It has been over a fortnight since I arrived here in Canberra. I arrived here on the 13th of February. It was a journey brimming of apprehension and hope. There was apprehension as I was leaving home for a foreign land the very first time in my life. Leaving the security of family and friends and to a certain extent, my homeland proved to be a combo that was tough to swallow. Swallow I did, but not without shedding any tears. Yet there was hope of new doors opening; a clean slate promising to erase the screw ups of yesterday. The end of one chapter marks the beginning of the next. So turns a page...
Welcome to Canberra, Australia
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